Why Movies are so Important to Me

There is this one place: this one place manages to make me truly calm, focused, and in the moment.  That place, sadly a place where many no longer feel safe, is a movie theater.  The movie theater is my temple, my holy place because to me movies are the purest form of entertainment.  There are many reasons why I love movies and its theater, so let me just dive into them.

            If you didn’t know  I get a tad more stressed out than others around me.  So what this lovely trait of mine I am rarely in the moment or I over analysis everything, like a text message or just any possible outcome to a scenario.  But at the movie theater for some reason I am completely present.  My mind isn’t racing, trying to deceive me or even consume me, no, while I sit in that seat I’m there and no where else. To me a movie is the perfect stabilizer, it’s a place where you can truly lose yourself, a place to escape from the hardship of life.

            I’ve always found solace in movies, ranging from me at three years old to even now, they’re my holy place.  I guess this post is going to be about my Anxiety Disorder far more than I thought, but it’s only to explain my love for films.  As I’ve recently discovered my mind hates ambiguity, anything that isn’t set in stone terrifies me.  That’s where movies come in, they are set in stone, and you can’t change the end of film after you have seen it.  Darth Vader will always be Luke’s father, Marty always gets back to the future and John Bender always thrust his fist in the air.

            That’s probably why I re-watch so many movies-to center me, to put me in a moment of absolute certainty.  I know all of this sounds crazy, but for me it’s perfect.  In a way movies bring out the perfect Jake, he’s in the moment and not in that crazy head of his. But that’s juts part one on why I love movies.  The other is a phrase I didn’t invent, but manifested my own meaning for, Movie Magic.

            There’s a moment that’s incredibly rare in film, what I call Movie Magic and it’s different for everyone.  It’s that moment when something incredible happens, you smile, your heart skips a beat, and chills run down your spine; you can close your eyes and be consumed by one moment, that is my definition of movie magic.  Maybe I’m crazy and I’m the only one who closes his eyes after an amazing moment in a movie, but I really feel it.  It’s at moments like Luke sitting in his X-Wing for the first time saying “Red-5 standing by” because he finally made it, or like Will Hunting ending it with: “Sorry I had go see about a girl”, or even Marty McFly hitting 88 Miles and Hour for the first time so we could indeed see some serious shit.

            I’ve got my own list of movie magic moments, but they’re all special in their own way, it’s a moment that I am completely present in and it’s perfect.  I rarely get that anywhere else, not with a video game, or with a book, or even with people (and if I do get it with you, pat yourself on the back).  I only get that at a theater, sitting in the middle seat of the row with the bar in front, you know, the perfect seat.

            I don’t know what makes a perfect movie because to everyone a certain movie means something different. Not everyone’s favorite movie is Good Will Hunting, which is mine, some people love Pretty Woman, and hell some poor bastard out there loves George Clooney’s Batman & Robin. I’m so glad they all exist because there is something out there for everyone.  Everyone enjoys at least one movie and that’s what makes movies special they’re almost universal, yet somehow different to everyone. My movies center me and bring a moment of calm to my life and I love to hear what movies do for others.

2015: My Best Year Yet

           I do this stupid thing every New Year I keep track of all my firsts, and nothing important like my first kiss or something.  It’s the dumb little things like my first poop or drink of water.  I get this little voice in my head that says: “Well that’s your first sip of water in 2016.” The best part of all these “firsts” is that in a week I’ve already forgotten them.  But that’s just one of my New Year traditions, my other big one is claiming that the year to come will be my best one yet.  I stated it last night and I stated it every year prior.  It’s what I do.

            When asking a good friend, Jason, if he was excited for this New Year he simply replied: “I don’t know, I’ve got a lot of unknowns.”

            At first it was maybe the best response anyone has ever given this stereotypical question.  Then it made sense every year is filled with unknowns, and that’s why I claim that this year will be my best yet.

            Once this future year has been claimed as “Soon to be Jake’s Greatest Year of All-Time” I remember that moment 365 days before where I claimed the same thing.  I remember how different I was and how in just one year I drastically changed.  I’m talking the big change; not like my hairstyle (though I did start to do this gel-part-swoop thing in my hair, it’s going well) I’m talking about who I am and what I want.  After that thought I think about how this new Jake got here, how 2015 was my best year yet, because it made this version this of myself and this Jake is best one yet.

            So 2015, it’s big deal, but why was it my best year?  It’s probably hard to explain in detail, but I’m going to try because why the hell not.  2015 was the year I graduated college, got my heartbroken, found my best friends, and saw Star Wars Episode 7.  It was filled with ups and downs, but looking at those four huge things only one is negative and I’m still glad it happened.  I’m glad it all happened.

            In my short 22 years of living I’ve done a lot of cool shit, I jumped out of a plane this year, but I don’t think anything compared to walking across a stage and receiving my college degree.  It was something I never thought would happened and if knew me ages 6-14 my guess is you thought the same, and I wouldn’t blame you.  But I did it, I was a “normal kid” at that moment or so I thought, though I now know I was special, after all I had special education.  Out the thousands of people getting their degrees or watching someone they love accomplishing this great task only ten knew my story.  A story chockfull of anxiety, depression, special education and an amazing support system: that somehow saved a kid who didn’t think he could be saved.  It was surreal to stand their holding a college degree that was mine. I couldn’t believe it; it felt impossible and yet 2015 was the year I did it.  It was the year I graduated college.

            Though what life doesn’t tell you is that after college it’s not perfect in fact it’s far from it.  For the first time you’re on your own and I was really on my own, I don’t need to talk about it, but break-ups are devastating.  When you have that average negative mindset, and for quite awhile I did, it felt like the world was ending.  Then these awesome people in my life did everything in their power to keep me afloat while I believed I was sinking.  Finally, my mind set started to change I stopped think that this break-up was about losing everything and I noticed it became about all I gained from it. Through her I found these people, Colt and Hannah, that are now part of my family.  I got lucky, life gave me all I needed and took away what I didn’t.  The heartbreak made me realize that I need focus on what’s best for me, that in a relationship my happiness should be what’s important too. Now, my friends are the most important part.

            2015 was filled with a bunch of new people tossed in to my life, in fact my close friends all came from this year.  It’s weird how you find the important people in strangest ways and this was very evident this year.  It’s fun to look back and think to yourself: “how’d I get here.”  My friends, who are basically my family now, were found and kept because I stayed 500 miles away from San Diego for a reason that didn’t really pay off.  Now the reasons I stay (despite the contracted year-rental agreement) are these people, the ones I call my crew, each of these four people make luckiest man alive.  I don’t think many people have a group like I do. I’m so blessed to have four people that would drop anything for me and I love knowing that they rely on me too, we’re basically a family now and when I’m with them I’m home.

            This year I really got to return home, for the first time in ten years I went back to my galaxy far, far away and in that seat I was a three-year-old again.  I know there are lots of Star Wars fans out there, but I also know that many of them don’t compare to my fandom. I mean I wrote a love letter to Star Wars, you could read it here.  This year ended the perfect way, with me watching characters that feel like old friends back in action.  Seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens was the perfect ending to my best year yet.  Star Wars is all about chance encounters and how meeting a person can change your destiny and this year I found my Han, my Leia, my Chewbacca and my R2D2.  Star Wars helped end my year in the best way.

            This year wasn’t perfect, nothing ever is, but it was damn good and I wouldn’t trade any part of it. I wouldn’t trade the heartbreak, the anger, and the sadness because I’ve already lived through awful and somehow eventually the awful turns into amazing.  Life is all about possibilities and that’s why when say: “2016 is going be the best year of my life” I really don’t know, in fact I’ve got a lot of unknowns.  But it looks really fucking promising.  Bring it on 2016.